[10:03 AM] DiurnalKnight!: After the breakout, Yavae had taken to spending a lot of time alone. At the moment, this meant hanging by a river a few miles from the fort, sitting silently and watching her reflection
[10:09 AM] M I K A: Vivianna frowns as she floats in the water, seems this was all she had been doing was playing in this cold river and sleeping among the flowers..She swims under, going with the small current. When she opens her eyes she can see Yavae staring down into the water. She breaks the surface. "Yavae?"
[10:12 AM] DiurnalKnight!: Yavae's eyes widen in surprise as she jerks back from the water. She quickly reaches for her mask and pulls it down before answering "Vivi, what are you doing in the water?"
[10:14 AM] M I K A: "I don't know..I seem to always end up here. Why are you out here?"
[10:15 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I... Was trying to be alone. You should get out of the water, it's cold in there."
[10:18 AM] M I K A: She nods and climbs out, wearing only her underwear. "Ah..seems everyone wants to be alone now..that horrible place changed us all." She shivers.
[10:18 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "The place didn't change me..." She muses to herself
[10:20 AM] M I K A: "I suppose it wouldn't..you have such an iron will."
[10:21 AM] DiurnalKnight!: Her tone is dour as she continues speaking "I never said I didn't change, only that the place did not do it..."
[10:23 AM] M I K A: "Oh..What happen Yavae?"
[10:26 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I... I failed. I broke rules which are to never be broken. I am no worthy heir..."
[10:27 AM] M I K A: "You didn't..I mean..rules?" She looks confused. "What rules?"
[10:30 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "My own rules. A warrior of the fire tribe must never break the rules they make for themselves."
[10:32 AM] M I K A: "...O-Ok..w-what were your rules?"
[10:39 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "It doesn't matter anymore, I've already proven that I am not worthy of any kind of honor..."
[10:40 AM] M I K A: "What..how..are your rules that important..can't you set new ones?"
[10:43 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "Rules are not meant to be broken. If they are, it proves that I can't be trusted to keep them."
[10:45 AM] M I K A: "It depends on the rules..sometimes rules are broken..it doesn't mean you failed."
[10:46 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "It does for me. I am an insult to my father's family..."
[10:47 AM] M I K A: "You are not..that hellhole..made us do things we would never do anywhere else. I'm sure your family would understand."
[10:48 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "The prison did not have to do with this, Vivi."
[10:54 AM] M I K A: "Then what did?"
[10:56 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "The battle... I was forced to do something."
[10:58 AM] M I K A: "The one before we were all captured? You mean the one were we almost all died..Yavae..being forced to do something in that situation...it doesn't mean you failed..that..that battle was..terrifying."
[10:59 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "Death does not scare me. Death is something I would face willingly."
[11:01 AM] M I K A: "Then Yavae..what happen?"
[11:05 AM] DiurnalKnight!: She stays silent for a while before speaking "Vivi... You must tell no one this. Understand?"
[11:07 AM] M I K A: She nods. "I promise."
[11:10 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "In the battle, when Kaija was injured... I was surrounded. And I... I surrendered to save her."
[11:11 AM] M I K A: "..Yavae..you didn't fail anyone..you saved your friends life! Jean did the same for me."
[11:13 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "There is no excuse for surrender. I am too weak to save my friends, and too weak to lead my people."
[11:15 AM] M I K A: "That's not true! We were over come and surprised..we didn't realize something like this would happen! No matter how strong you are..things like this happen! It doesn't mean you're weak.."
[11:18 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I... I shouldn't have failed like that." Her voice seems shakier than usual, and something drips from her mask to the river below
[11:20 AM] M I K A: She hugs her. "You didn't, you protected someone you care so much about. She doesn;t think you failed either."
[11:20 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I haven't asked her how she feels about it..."
[11:23 AM] M I K A: "You should..you shouldn't keep this all to yourseld..cause it will hurt you so much."
[11:27 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I have no right to burden others with my problems"
[11:29 AM] M I K A: "Yeah I get that too..but I'm sure Kaija would want to know."
[11:32 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I... I don't deserve to burden her any longer. She is too loyal for a master like me..."
[11:33 AM] M I K A: "She doesn't think it's a burden."
[11:35 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "She should..."
[11:35 AM] M I K A: "But she probably doesn't. Talk to her ok."
[11:42 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "I will see... Where are your clothes..?"
[11:45 AM] M I K A: "Somewhere in this forest."
[11:47 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "You will probably be cold."
[11:48 AM] M I K A: "I..I don't feel too cold..just not really here."
[11:48 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "Not here..?"
[11:50 AM] M I K A: "It's like..I don't know..I feel like nothing. No happiness no sadness just nothing."
[11:50 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "Did something happen?"
[11:51 AM] M I K A: "I'm not engaged anymore.."
[11:55 AM] DiurnalKnight!: "Oh... What happened between you and sula for this to happen?"
[11:58 AM] M I K A: "He didn't really love me..and I..I guess I didn't really know him enough to truly love him as well."
[12:32 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I see. I'm sorry to hear that, Vivi... Not all romances are meant to last, but the heart may always love again. My mother told me that when I was young."
[12:34 PM] M I K A: "..I..I haven't felt much sense we parted..Ah I gave him all of myself..and..I really don't want to love again..I don't need to..my child will give me all the love I need."
[12:35 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Love happens, what you want has nothing to do with it."
[12:36 PM] M I K A: "It doesn't happen to me though..just those around me."
[12:38 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "It happens. My mother spent quite a while without love before she had me."
[12:41 PM] M I K A: She shakes her head. "Yavae..believe me..I..This child is going to be the only person who will love me unconditional."
[12:42 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "So, you can see the future then?"
[12:45 PM] M I K A: "Sula could and he 'saw' are wedding so..I think my words are better."
[12:46 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "My point it's that you can be sure of nothing. You may love again. Your fire dwindles, but it isn't extinguished."
[12:49 PM] M I K A: She smiles. "I don't want to though..but..you know what, what are fire tribe men like?"
[12:56 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Depends, like with any man. Overall, we usually value honor and honesty."
[12:57 PM] M I K A: "Would they like a girl like me?"
[12:58 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Many of them certainly would."
[12:58 PM] M I K A: She laughs. "I don't believe that."
[1:02 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Why not? I already said that if I was looking for love I would likely try courting you. The men of my tribe would likely feel the same."
[1:03 PM] M I K A: "Because..well I'm not pretty in a fire tribe way. I'm very pale and short..hardly strong."
[1:04 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "My father's first wife was Nohrian."
[1:05 PM] M I K A: "First? He had more then one?"
[1:07 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Yes, she died giving birth to my brother... Several years later my father married my mother."
[1:10 PM] M I K A: "Hm..maybe then..I wouldn't mind meeting some of your tribe then." She kicks at the water.
[1:12 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I hope it goes well for you. I hope... Everything goes well for you."
[1:12 PM] M I K A: "And I hope the same for you Yavae, you're my friend you know."
[1:13 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "A position I do not deserve... Thank you for being so kind."
[1:16 PM] M I K A: She stares at the water. "You do deserve it Yavae. Hey Yavae what will you do when this is all over?"
[1:16 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I'm not sure anymore. I do not deserve to return home..."
[1:21 PM] M I K A: "Well..you do but if you deiced not to go home..My bakery slash ranch will always need support and I wouldn't mind if you came with me to start the whole thing up."
[1:24 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Hm... I'll consider it, thank you for offering. I don't deserve it, but I will consider."
[1:24 PM] M I K A: "You do Yavae, you are still deserving of everything. You didn't fail, you procted a love one."
[1:29 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "...I am surprised at how much you believe in me."
[1:30 PM] M I K A: "Why? We're friends right, friends believe in each other."
[1:30 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "You are an honorable woman, Vivi."
[1:33 PM] M I K A: She smiles. "Thanks..I don't feel like one. Having a child out of wedlock..my mother would be horrified."
[1:33 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Pah, have as many children as you please. It's not her business."
[1:34 PM] M I K A: "Yes but..I don't want my children to be bastards."
[1:36 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Then marry someone else to help raise them if you so choose. My mother spent several years helping my father raise another woman's child, because she loved him. And she came to live the child as well. Blood is not needed to be family."
[1:38 PM] M I K A: "Do..Do you think..someone will accept a woman with a child from another man.." She sniffles. "I wanted to be married a virgin for my husband."
[1:39 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Many women and men have gotten married when not virgins. Most of them, I would guess."
[1:42 PM] M I K A: "B-But it's not right! My husband is supposed my first and only.." She bites her lip hard. "Giving myself away so easily..am I a harlot?"
[1:44 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "No. Your body is your business, have as much sex with whoever you please."
[1:45 PM] M I K A: "Y-Yavae! D-Don't say such things! I should have stayed pure..oh gods!" She begins to cry.
[1:48 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Sorry, I am foolish when it comes to the ways of outsiders...."
[1:50 PM] M I K A: "N-No it's just I've never heard such..free feeling about sexual things. Still..I wish I hadn't..now my husband will know that I couldn't wait for him..gods"
[1:52 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "He does not own you. You are under no obligation to wait for him. Plus, if you are afraid to experiment with people, you may never find the one who is right for you."
[1:54 PM] M I K A: She sighs. "I..I don't understand..I have to be more patient now.." Her lip is bleeding now. "I think I might hate Sula a little."
[2:04 PM] DiurnalKnight!: Yavae thinks carefully, then suddenly picks up her cloak and wraps Vivi in it, before embracing her "Vivi, whatever you do, wether you choose to hate or love, let the choice be yours and yours alone. You are beholden to the will and rules of no others, love and hate who you choose."
[2:08 PM] M I K A: She sobs in her arms. "W-Why..did this happen! Why didn't I say no..why am I so foolish!"
[2:09 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "We all make mistakes. I'm sorry yours have hurt you so much."
[2:12 PM] M I K A: "I-If only I had remembered my mothers words..love only bring ruin. To be happy you need to think needs..love is a want.."
[2:14 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Bull. Your wants are yours, and even if they weren't your love is not a want anyway. Love is beyond your control."
[2:15 PM] M I K A: "But love has only brought me sadness..I don't want it anymore.:
[2:17 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "How many times have you loved?"
[2:18 PM] M I K A: She sadly laughs. "Since I was 14, I have loved and loved..I'm tired of loving."
[2:20 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Do you believe that your child's love will hurt you?"
[2:20 PM] M I K A: "No but..Yavae I'm scared..that my love will hurt him..what if he looks like his father..will I grow to hate my own son.."
[2:22 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Never. You are a woman with love in her heart, even when it hurts her. You're too brave to give up so easily and give in to hate."
[2:25 PM] M I K A: She nods. "You're right, I could never hate my son..I already love him enough to die for him." She hugs herself. "Oh Yavae the only thing I hate is myself."
[2:28 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Do you hate yourself based on what you believe, or on what others have told you to believe?"
[2:31 PM] M I K A: ".....Is there a difference."
[2:35 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Absolutely. People will tell you everything you do is shameful."
[2:36 PM] M I K A: "B-But..most of the things I've done are shameful,.."
[2:37 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "How?"
[2:38 PM] M I K A: "W-Well.. I gave myself away to a man whom I'm not to marry and having a child that doesn't even have a father. I ran away from home thinking I could make something of myself and all I did was act like a tramp."
[2:41 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "You did what you wished. And, at the time, it was pleasurable. You also harmed no one else by doing this. I see nothing shameful of this."
[2:45 PM] M I K A: "...That..makes sense but..I still feel ashamed. That's all I feel, is a deep sense of shame. Something in me is saying what a trollop I am..how stupid I am."
[2:46 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "People have told you to feel shame for your body. I do not believe this is something you should be ashamed of."
[2:50 PM] M I K A: She throws a rock at the water. "When people look at me now, they will see a girl who couldn't keep her legs closed. Yavae..I don't know how to stop this shame I feel."
[2:50 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "What right have they to judge you?"
[2:52 PM] M I K A: "..N..None."
[2:53 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Then their glares are nothing but the pouting of children, angry at something that is not within their authority."
[2:59 PM] M I K A: She nods. "But..I just don't understand..A woman is suppose to care about what other thing least she falls from social grace..like I have. I-I just..." She frowns. "Ugh.."
[3:01 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "If someone thinks less of you for doing something harmless and enjoyable, frankly they aren't worth your time."
[3:02 PM] M I K A: "I wish I could see it like you do."
[3:07 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "As do I. Vivi, I truly believe you have nothing to be ashamed of, and that you are a powerful and honorable woman. If you ever are in need, I would not hesitate to assist, even knowing my own lack of honor."
[3:10 PM] M I K A: She starts to laugh. "It's silly that we both think ourselves honor-less women."
[3:11 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "It's good to hear you laugh again."
[3:14 PM] M I K A: She smiles. "I think we are both pretty damn honorable in our own ways..we just have to relearn that."
[3:16 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Perhaps, Vivi. And... Thank you for trying to help me. Though I do not deserve it, thank you for caring so much..."
[3:20 PM] M I K A: "And thank you. I needed to talk to some about this."
[3:20 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I'm here to help. Feel free to keep my cloak, I don't want you freezing to death in those wet undergarments."(edited)
[3:23 PM] M I K A: "Yavae..have you..seen Sula?"
[3:23 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Not recently."
[3:26 PM] M I K A: "Oh..I haven't either..oh gods..what if he's hurt somewhere..alone.."
[3:28 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Where'd you last see him..?"
[3:30 PM] M I K A: "..W-We got into a fight and..h-he got hurt and ran away..and I haven't seen him since."
[3:31 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I would ask leodin."
[3:33 PM] M I K A: "Leodin doesn't know either..oh gods..Sula might be hurt somewhere in these mountains!"
[3:33 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I could help search."
[3:46 PM] M I K A: "Search..d-do you think thats a good idea? These mountains are..pretty scary."
[3:47 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "We could organize search parties."
[3:48 PM] M I K A: "That could work..I just want him to be safe..it's my fault he got hurt.."
[3:49 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "Why?"
[3:51 PM] M I K A: "I..I..was being stupid and..he was only trying to help and and..I hurt him!"
[3:53 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I see... I believe you had a good reason for whatever you have done."
[3:54 PM] M I K A: "...I just need to know he's ok.."
[3:55 PM] DiurnalKnight!: "I understand. We can organize it when we are at the fort."
[4:40 PM] Kwakado: A ripple in the river marks an approaching stranger, whose heavy footsteps draw closer and closer...
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